Due to many bible schools and being under the weather we haven't went to church in awhile but Sunday we went back to Emmanuel. Their bible school last week was the BEST one I have ever been too. I was so excited to go even though I felt so bad. It truly was our calling to go up there this week because I needed the message.
Lately I've had problems at work with employees coworkers whatever you want to call them. Well because of this I've not spent much time with my husband or my kids because I've been too tired from work. I had an awesome conversation with Jamey and Charlie that just needed to happen. I felt like that brought me so much closer to both of them. I feel like now I can tell Jamey anything and he will help me in any way he can. I've been real upset with these things at work and just not sure what to do. So anyway the message was about doing things our way or doing things God's way. You know there's been a lot of things in my life that I've tried to do my way and it's failed everytime....maybe I should have turned them over to God? So I did just that. I cried like a baby and I didn't go to the alter I just sat in my seat but sitting there listening to Joe I got chills and I just knew God was dealing with my heart. I felt a tugging and as much as i tried to hold back tears I just couldnt. As I type this I'm about to cry just thinking about it. So I prayed and ask God to forgive me for all that I had tried to do and not done it his way. You know thinking about things I'm not sure if I ask for God's help unless things go wrong. So I asked God to take control again of my life and everything in it. I asked him to bless my marriage and help guide us the way we needed to go, I asked him to help me guide my kids in the direction and path he had laid out for them. I felt so relieved that I was following what God wanted me to do.....hand it all over to him. I even prayed and asked him to help guide me at work. I get out of his will often and backslide I know and I need to work on it but it felt so good to be back in church. I don't do as good when I'm not in church. I need church in my life! It felt so right listening to Joe and enjoying his message and knowing I needed that!
There's one more thing I need to ask for God to take control in....Most people don't know but my mother when I was 13 told me I wasn't saved so it crushed my dreams. I was at church with my sister and asked Jesus into my heart and I remember feeling so different and just feeling a huge weight off my shoulders. Ever since hearing that from my mother I've had my doubts, of course. A few years ago my husband got saved and he had always thought he was before. So I got to thinking again and talking to preachers. I came to the conclusion that I 100% believe in my heart that I was saved in the small church in Bakersville. I said only God and I know but it just feels right. It's always been a struggle to talk to my mom about but I just feel like it's one last step I need to do. My question I've always wanted to ask her is why she said that? Ive asked God multiple times to let me know whether I was really saved or not. My main question was how will I know he is speaking to me? To everyone I know the spirit taking to you feels different but, for example in church Sunday I just felt those chills and got so emotional that I knew God was talking with me and how can you not be saved when God deals with your heart like that. I'm sure her question will be how do you know? But I know and I feel in my heart that God saved me and deals with me in my own way. So I need to let go and give this to God. Lord please help me to let go and give this last problem to you. It's so scary to feel like I'm facing this alone but with God you are never alone.
It felt so right to be back in church and learning about the Lord. I hope and pray we can be an example to our children.
Hey lady :) I loved this post, it touched my heart to read it! You are right the only people who know whether you are saved are you and God, and God doesn't say you have to have certain credentials to salvation.. the thief on the cross never sat in a church house in his life, but God told him that today he would be with him in paradise :) It took me years to realize that perhaps the people in my life.. my mother, my grandmother.. people I recognized as strong religious people in my heart, although they have the best of intentions they are flesh and therefore they can be wrong. A lot of people have a lot of 'religion' instead of a personal relationship with God, and that confuses them a LOT.
ReplyDeleteBut here's what the Bible says about salvation.
Romans 10:9
because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Pretty cut and dry to me :) Isn't God good?
I know you've struggled with this and I'm so thankful that you are turning your heart toward him!!! Its like no feeling in the world can ever come close to talking to your creator, and if he's in the center of anything.. work, marriage, anything.. then it will work out the way that he intends it too!
Its completely okay for you to cultivate your relationship with God on your own, and you don't have to talk to your Mom about it, or have her approval for it. We are all in different walks in our Christian life and you and her may be on different paths.. so just accept that, as hard as it is, and move forward. I was really bent on religion for awhile, and I'm just now learning the freedom that comes from salvation.
Love you :) And I"m so happy to read this!